do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
