i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
