Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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