At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
