There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
