So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
