I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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