nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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