I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
