is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
