Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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