I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
