she was so not down for the gang bang
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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