he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
