There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
