Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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