with your own penis?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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