Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
