So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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