apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
