we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
