Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
