it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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