i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
