why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
