Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
