What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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