his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
