ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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