his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
