No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
