I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
