youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
