Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
