Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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