omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
