6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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