it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
