this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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