im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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