i was born a porn star she said
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
