It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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