Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
