Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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