Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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