I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
