i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
