someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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