by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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