i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
