it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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