is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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