Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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