So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
