He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
