dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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