True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
