4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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