so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
