She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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