When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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