i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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