Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
