I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
