I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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