I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
