I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
