In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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