he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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