I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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