that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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