I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
