Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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