I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize