I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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