omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
