If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
