okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
