matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
