So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
