I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
