Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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