It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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